When I woke up, everything seemed wrong. The day was wrong, the internet was slow, and most of all, it is Monday.
The Monday Motherfuckers are at it again, like I always say. And this time it came in the form of a comment whose bitter aftertaste kept lingering, but I couldn’t seem to put my finger on it, until two hours earlier.
There's think-time, and then there's happy think-time. It was the latter for this weekend, but I couldn't shake off the feeling that something vulturine had been waiting for me to pay for all that exceitement over the weekend. "Here's your bill, ma'am."
I remembered Cattski's blog on musicians and day jobs and how some people can be unwittingly offensive. I can forgive their lack of tact owing to the fact that not many people understand it. Forgiveness, though, will come later. MUCH later.
Right now, there is vexation to expel; else, it'll rot and morph into a monster, the Godzilla in the city in your head with no Power Rangers to fight it.
"Ayan, you did na your art stuff on the weekend, okay na ka sa work, ha?"
Pfft.
I do not claim to understand much about Art because what time I could have spent enjoying it, I spend being a work horse. Regardless, let me make it clear that the shit I do on the weekends is not simply my carrot-on-a-stick so I can survive the weekdays. It is not a toy you give to a crying child, or the lollipop you shove in her mouth to shut her up. I do it BECAUSE.
I now refuse to call it my survival kits. I can't believe I allowed anything or anyone to lead me to think of it that way. In my system, it's as basic as water. It doesn't suffice that I only do it on the weekends. Don't expect me to be alive and kicking on a Monday, or any weekday for that matter, just because my weekend was spent doing my shtick.
Let's just say, hypothetically, that the world forced you to be a ballerina for the rest of your life even as you know your faculties function best for something else, even as you know you are already making a fool of yourself. In that alternate world, let's say you must become one and you don't have as much of a choice as you have now. Think about that.
So. If you're trying to understand, thank you for the effort, but no thanks. If you don't understand it, shut up. The world is much clearer when one is silent.
It is easy to tell people to suck up this particular kind of shit when they're not the ones sucking it up, never have and never will.