piskot, my band broke up weeks ago and got back (sort of) again, but everybody knows we're not going to be the same. i loved that group, just so happened that people either got tired, or are into girls these days. fuck them all. i wish they never had to make me wait for nothing all the while. they never were so enthusiastic about music making. it was just a past time for them, and i, gullible one, had believed we were going to be great in around two or three years.
i wish i could talk to them. i know i could. i just have this feeling they're going to think me an idiot. and OA. i don't care, i really did dream of us 'getting there' and being able to share something new to a crowd that's had too much FTV and MTV. i can look for another group of people. until then, i guess i'll be quite empty, and what the hell am i to do?
i miss being brave an honest on a plane different than where we usually stand. i shouldn't blame them, but i still cannot help getting mad at them for not, at least, knowing how important it was to me. i looked forward to something. i was safe. i was balanced. i was high. i lessened my drinking. i started to quit smoking. and now i'm going back the way i came.
i wish they'd never reaffirmed their commitment that rainy Monday night.
funny how people love beautiful lies.
and i hate myself for being like this. it's hard enough being the only female in the group, and being female, if you catch my drift. i hate my bickering over it, when i could just leave, just like that, but i'm not even moving.
you bet i'm not over it.
